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How to stay motivated to achieve your dreams
By Tony Mcgregor
We all know the feeling of disappointment with ourselves when we start a new year or a new period of our lives with high expectations which, after an initial period of enthusiasm, begin to look ever more unattainable. All those diets we started, the many times we pledged to give up smoking or drinking, or to start exercising more, or whatever,and yet after a relatively short time we are back where we started. The reason for these “failures” is that, just as there is an emotional response to imposed change, such as the death of a loved one, an example being the grief response first proposed by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there is an emotional response to self-created or voluntary change, and unless we understand the stages of that process, we can become derailed by the emotional responses to the change that we have ourselves decided on. The five stages of the grieving process identified by Kubler-Ross are: 1. Denial and Isolation when we try to deny the loss and at the same time withdraw from our usual social contacts.
2. Anger at the person who caused the loss or at the world for letting it happen.
3. Bargaining when the grieving person will try to bargain with God.
4. Depression is the feeling of numbness, often with anger and sadness remaining underneath the numbness.
5. Acceptance is when anger, mourning and sadness are replaced by a realistic understanding of the reality of the loss. The point of understanding these stages is that people in the helping professions need to facilitate the grieving person through the stages, helping the to cope at each stage. Similarly, when the change is not imposed but self-created, the person will go through specific stages and it is very helpful to understand these stages, to prepare for them so as to be in a better position to cope with them as they arise. These stages in the emotional response to voluntary change are: 1. Uninformed Optimism: When you first decide to go on that diet or take that extra adult ed course your enthusiasm is high and you feel confident that you can do it, that your goals are worthwhile and achievable. And indeed for a while everything goes pretty smoothly, and you get lots of support from those around you. The problem is that you have made your decision, and your enthusiasm is founded on a relative lack of information about what this change entails. You haven't thought about the late nights you will have to work on the course, the time it takes from your other interests or your family responsibilities. You haven't really taken on board the fact that the nicotine cravings are really difficult to deal with. And as these realisations start to sink in you move into the next stage: 2. Informed Pessimism: you start to come to realise just what it is that you have taken on, what changes in other areas of your life will be needed to carry your decision through to success. It is easy in this stage to lose sight of the value of the goals, or changes, you have set for yourself. At this stage it is vital that you keep those goals and the payoff you will get from achieving them in mind. It is often very helpful to have someone you can talk to at this stage, a coach or a trusted friend, who will help you keep focussed on the ends. If you can get through this stage with your motivation intact, then you move into the next stage: 3. Hopeful Realism: As you take small steps which increase the likelihood of your getting to the desired goals you start to feel more positive about the change, but there are still nagging doubts – can I really do this? I think I can, but what if …? Again a coach or trusted friend can help here, to keep you focussed, to keep your mind on the goals and not on the doubts. It's important, though, to recognise that there will be doubts, and that you are not wrong to have such doubts, that such doubts are a natural part of the process. As you achieve small steps, called milestones, these doubts will begin to recede and you will move into the next stage: 4. Informed Optimism: Now the momentum of the small steps accumulates and you begin to have a realistic view of the difficulties, but your experience is now showing that you can do it, you can overcome the obstacles. Your hope and optimism begin to grow and your motivation is strengthened. And so you reach the final stage: 5. Completion: Now you have achieved you goals, you have a feeling of fulfilment and completion. At this stage many people find they can now help others on the path of change. This is a wonderful stage to reach and makes all the struggle and hard work worthwhile. Reference: Kelley, Don and Daryl R. Conner: The Emotional Cycle of Change, in "The 1979 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators", John E. Jones and J. William Pfeiffer (eds) University Associates, 1979. |
The Emotional Cycle of Change - Kelley and Conner, 1979.
PLEASE VISIT THE CONTRIBUTOR'S WEBSITE
Bright Scenarios
Personal and organisational development
tonymac04.wordpress.com
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